How to help someone with a mental health problem

In this article, we will describe how to help someone with a mental health problem. There is alot you can do. Let’s start with emotional support.

What emotional support can I offer?

If someone lets you know that they are experiencing a mental health problem, it’s common to feel like you don’t know what to do or say.

But you don’t need any special training to show someone you care about them. Often just being there for someone and doing small things can be really valuable. For example:

Listen. Simply giving someone space to talk, and listening to how they’re feeling, can be really helpful in itself. If they’re finding it difficult, let them know that you’re there when they are ready
Offer reassurance. Seeking help can feel lonely, and sometimes scary. You can reassure someone by letting them know that they are not alone, and that you will be there to help
Stay calm. Even though it might be upsetting to hear that someone you care about is distressed, try to stay calm. This will help the person feel calmer too, and show them that they can talk to you openly without upsetting you
Be patient. You might want to know more details about their thoughts and feelings, or want them to get help immediately. But it’s important to let them set the pace for seeking support themselves.
Try not to make assumptions. Your perspective might be useful to your friend or family member, but try not to assume that you already know what may have caused their feelings, or what will help
Keep social contact. Part of the emotional support you offer could be to keep things as normal as possible. This could include involving your friend or family member in social events, or chatting about other parts of your lives.

“I had one friend who helped me by just listening and never judging. Without him my recovery time would have been much longer”

What practical support can I offer?

There are lots of practical things you can do to support someone who is ready to seek help. For example:

Look for information that might be helpful. When someone is seeking help they may feel worried about making the right choice, or feel that they have no control over their situation. The mental health charity Mind is a good place to start
Help to write down lists of questions – that the person you’re supporting wants to ask their doctor, or help to put points into an order that makes sense (for example, most important point first)
Help to organise paperwork – for example making sure that your friend or family member has somewhere safe to keep their notes, prescriptions and records of appointments. Help them with their diary
Go to appointments with them, if they want you to – even just being there in the waiting room can help someone feel reassured
Ask them if there are any specific practical tasks – you could help with, and work on those. For example, this could include:
- Offering them a lift somewhere
- Arranging childcare for them
- Taking over a chore or household task.
Learn more about the problem they experience – to help you think about other ways you could support them.

What can I do if someone doesn’t want my help?

If you feel that someone you care about is clearly struggling but can’t or won’t reach out for help, and won’t accept any help you offer, it’s understandable to feel frustrated, distressed and powerless. But it’s important to accept that they are an individual, and that there are always limits to what you can do to support another person.

You can

Be patient. You won’t always know the full story, and there may be reasons why they are finding it difficult to ask for help
Offer emotional support and reassurance. Let them know you care about them and you’ll be there if they change their mind
Inform them how to seek help when they’re ready – for example, you could show them our pages on talking to your GP and what might happen at the appointment
Look after yourself – and make sure you don’t become unwell yourself.

You can’t

Force someone to talk to you. It can take time for someone to feel able to talk openly, and putting pressure on them to talk might make them feel less comfortable telling you about their experiences
Force someone to get help – they’re over 18 years, and it’s not an emergency situation. As adults, we are all ultimately responsible for making our own decisions. This includes when – or if – we choose to seek help when we feel unwell
See a doctor for someone else. A doctor might give you general information about symptoms or diagnoses, but they won’t be able to share any specific advice or details about someone else without their agreement.

What if they believe things that seem very unusual or scary to me?

If someone is experiencing reality in a very different way from people around them, they may not realise or agree that seeking help could be useful for them. They may be experiencing psychosis, mania, hearing voices or feeling very paranoid. In this case, it can also be helpful to:

Focus on how their beliefs are making them feel – for example anxious, scared, threatened or confused – as these feelings will be very real
Avoid confirming or denying their beliefs. Instead it can help to say something like “I understand that you see things that way, but it’s not like that for me.”

There are a lot of misunderstandings about what it means to experience psychosis. Lots of people wrongly think that the word ‘psychotic’ means ‘dangerous’. But it’s important to remember that in reality, very few people who experience psychosis ever hurt anyone else.

What can I do if it’s an emergency, and I think they are suicidal?

There may be times when your friend or family member needs help more urgently, such as if they:

Have harmed themselves and need medical attention
Are having suicidal feelings, and you feel they may act on them
Are putting themselves or someone else at immediate, serious risk of harm.

In this situation, stay with them and help them call 999 for an ambulance. Or you could help them get to A&E. Wait with them until they can see a health professional.

It will also help to remove things they could use to harm themselves, especially if they have mentioned specific things they might use.

Summary

We have described how to help someone with a mental health problem. We hope it has been helpful.

Last Reviewed on 14 June 2024